It started with a thought, an idea which you cannot displace from your mind. It nagged your heart and you can’t help but to feel suffocated by it.
Gazing at the mirror, you realize that you wished you styled your hair differently. You wish your hair was a bit longer, that it was dyed red and styled a bit wild like your favorite singer.
But nah, let’s just combed it to the side like every other day.
You picked up your bag and checked its content. Books, pencil case, cell phone, your heavy laptop and the charger. It was heavy and it weighs your shoulder like a useless sack of things.
You wish you could just leave your bag behind and come to your classes as you are. But nah, you’ll need your book to consult, pen to write and laptop to compose your report.
Your classmates are annoying, they spewed useless analysis and submit google-search report. What are the odds of calling them stupid and getting away with it? Yet you decide to stay silent and agree to their ideas.
You realize your clothes are unfashionable and weird. You started to google some tattoo design and imagine having them printed to your body. But your body must be clear and unmarked less you anger your God.
You watch your friend smoke and you imagine having that cancer stick between your lips.
Yet at the same time you also imagine marching to them and snatching their cigar and stomped them. You hate the smoke but you still did nothing about it.
You wish you can talk with them. No you wish you can talk like them since you hate your meek and shy voice. You sounded like a bird, twittering into a silent forest with no audience.
Fly away, fly away little bird.
You imagine your footstep left piles of stardust. Something to mark your presence, anything to be remembered by anyone. Questions spiraled in your mind, a symphony of what if, what if, what if…
Years of growing up made me realize that there’s an image of a you, you wanted to be. Somebody who’s confident, cool, suave and just amazing and basically the total opposite of you.
Disney movies helped me a lot in understanding that it’s awesome to be yourself. That I just need to be honest and try all the thing I want to try.
Be adventurous and true to yourself, so I snapped at my boyfriend who smoked in front of me, I had my ankle tattooed with non-permanent ink by Malioboro street vendor (it was gone the next day, what a cheap bargain..), I cut my hair short and I’m extremely loving it, I’m a total nerd and I’m rocking my random style.
It’s fun, it’s wild and once in a while, you really need to listen to your ‘alter-ego’ and just try it.
*btw, the story up ahead was mostly fictional. You know what they say, Fiction is a lie, and good fiction is the truth inside the lie.
** This is made for BEC groovy English Friday challenge with Alter-Ego theme. Love it.