when all you can hear is that painful laughter of a manic demon

Warning, this doujin contains a heavy R18 scene. You’ve been warned…. But putting aside those few panels, it’s very good and depressing.

Arthur in the Dark -1-

There is something truly lovely and derange about this doujinshi. In a way it addressed some manic themes like depression, obsession, one sided love and being so very egoist that you’ll cast humanity away.

One morning Arthur woke up blind. But instead of being panic and shocked, he brushed off the sudden impairment and tried to continue with his life like the usual. Britain is the Great Britain not for nothing.

Some days passed and Alfred came to visit Arthur who’s been absent for the last few meetings. He was confronted with a seemingly dazed and odd Arthur. At first he dismissed it as Arthur’s sign of fatigue due to waking up by Alfred’s visit. But when Arthur miss poured the hot water into the floor, Alfred reached for him and realized Arthur’s unfocused green eyes.

Arthur confessed for his sudden lack of sight, and something inside Alfred snapped. Myriads of emotion, obsession and his dark desires at the verge of breaking through the thin red line. For a moment Alfred imagined taking advantages out of the blind Arthur to release his long time frustration. But instead, he carried Arthur to the couch and starts mending the mess Arthur has made to his once well maintained house.

Later on Alfred tried to talk sense to Arthur, he accused Arthur to knock his head, scratch his eye or hurt somewhere and need immediate treatment to the hospital. Yet Arthur denied all this and claimed that he’s not suffering by his blindness. Another string snapped inside Alfred’s mind and he was left speechless, because Arthur’s statement literary meant that he has given up.

Storming out of the house, Alfred left Arthur claiming that he need some fresh air and that the sight of Arthur made him depressed.

Alone, inside Arthur’s mind a pirate, perhaps a shadow of his past egoist self, showed up and commended Arthur for whatever he’s doing. I haven’t fully understand this part, yet. The pirate asked what Arthur will do about his lovely little brother, and Arthur told the pirate that he’ll go find him.

Meanwhile, a hunched Alfred was reminiscing a time when ‘brother Arthur’ told little Alfred that his blue eyes are the most beautiful color. It reminded Arthur of the sky and sea he loves and this statement made little Alfred the happiest ever.

Almost immediately, Arthur found him in a hill that overlooked the vast greenery of (maybe) England’s country side. Jokingly Arthur told him that he’ll made it through this blindness, that Alfred doesn’t need to worry, that he’ll tend to the garden and house after he’s settled with his blindness.

Alfred’s only response was his question whether Arthur could possibly know what kind of face he’s making. Which Arthur answered with a hug.

“Don’t cry America.. Listen to me. I’ve been surrounded by lights for a hundred years. I know how everything looks like. Even from way before you were born, I remember all that I have seen. It’s more than I can ask for. Really, I’m not suffering because I have no reason to. So don’t cry. You’re a big boy now.”

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I’ve known ever since I followed this link that nothing good will come out of this doujin, and I’m severely glad that my assumption is not wronged. The second part explained everything, down to Arthur’s personal wishes, obsession and those dark side which Alfred never sees. This doujin alongside with it’s continuation, is a story of obsession and love in a painfully slow adagio.

Which. I. Just. Love.

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